21.2 lbs!!! Whoo hooo!! I finally broke through the 20lb mark. It’s not something I was expecting but I had an extremely emotionally stressful week last week and for the first time in my life lost my appetite for longer than a day! While that’s not really anything to celebrate, I am pretty excited by the fact that I had no desire to eat for an entire week. In the past when I was sick, even with a stomach bug, I would still eat. I always told myself it was because I didn’t want to become weak but really it’s because it was an excuse to eat whatever I wanted. Now I confess that my food choices this past week haven’t been the best and there were many a night where I only ate some carbmaster yogurt for dinner but it did jump-start my weight loss. I have been hanging around the 18lb mark for a month now.
My goal this week is to build on this surprising weight loss and use it as a catalyst for more! So, I’ve looked over my schedule for this week and it is packed except for 2 nights and one morning. Therefore, I am putting it on the blog that I will be at VitalSigns Tuesday and Wednesday night and at some point during the day on Saturday. I am also going to increase my water intake. I went to the grocery store Saturday night and was able to plan ahead for this crazy week. I have the option of boiled eggs, PB wraps and yogurt for breakfast. Tonight, I’ll be making up some tuna salad for lunches and then I have wraps for pizza and taco salad or Tilapia for dinner this week. I’m not snacking like I should be … if I really should be. I just don’t care to eat in between meals. But I do have a few extra yogurts on hand for that afternoon hunger fix. I’m not a 100% sure that my appetite is back anyway. I’m in that place where you are hungry but then you take a few bites and that’s it. So I might as well capitalize on that, right?
I knew going into this year that it was going to be difficult because the Lord had already laid it on my heart that He and I were going to go deeper in my walk with Him. I knew He was going to ask things of me that I might not be ready to submit too. This week was proof of that. He asked me to surrender what I consider to be my lifeline. He asked me to step away from my music ministry for a period of time. The Lord literally asked me for it. He has asked me for it in the past but I have only taken a short break and pushed through. However, this time He asked for several months. So I am taking some time to rest for the next few months – until August at the least. I am scared to death. Since I first started really singing, at the age of 8, this has been my identity or at least the identity that I have chosen for myself. And it has certainly been my identity for the last 5 years at the church that I am serving at now. I have had moments of sheer panic this past week and foresee many more moments in the weeks ahead. I had a wonderful conversation with my senior pastor and worship pastor and have their prayer support. I am so thankful for my church and for the opportunity to serve there and to rest there as well. I want this time to be intentional and completely focused on my relationship with the Lord. Part of my fear is being further isolated and lonely and the other part is that I will be forgotten. Now, I’m not talking the “I need a man kind of loneliness” but the ever-present void in my life that hasn’t been filled by my family, my friends or my love of music. I have known for many years that specific void is really God’s dwelling place but I haven’t wanted to completely surrender control of that area of my heart nor did I want to know what that surrender would look like. But here I am … surrendering completely and while the enemy wants me to think that this is defeat I can assure you it is not!
How do I know? First, surrender doesn’t mean the Lord will never restore what He has asked me to give up. Secondly, the Lord led me on this weight loss journey 5 months before He would call me to surrender my greatest joy. If I had not already been in a place of victory over my emotional eating I would seriously be packing on the pounds right now. I am not kidding. Instead of turning to physical food for comfort, I have spent more time in my Bible and in prayer this past week and have received spiritual nourishment instead which is only of the Lord. Oh, how I praise Him for that!
So please keep me in your prayers as I continue on the most painful part of the journey thus far and feel free to check in on me this week to make sure I make it to VitalSigns. Thank you for walking this path with me.
PS … What are some good protein packed snacks that you rely on before working out?